Financial Infidelity! Is This Even a Thing?
Discussing your finances and planning for your financial future offers a sense of security and additional satisfaction in the relationship, but there are circumstances when one partner begins to showcase signs of financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity is when one partner has secrets about their finances or deprives their partner from financial knowledge through deceitful acts or negative money habits. Some people probably have never heard of the term financial infidelity, but it is a real ‘thing’ that some couples experience.
In this blog I will discuss how this negative money habit is established in someone’s life, how it affects the relationship, and three tips about how to work through financial infidelity as a couple.
How Negative Money Habits Are Established
Some people going through financial infidelity do not see anything wrong with hiding money from their spouse. Though it is nothing wrong with having individual accounts in a relationship, if that is what the couple has chosen, but there can be problems when those accounts are secretly kept from their partner. Financial issues can begin as early as childhood if the child is witnessing the results of their parent’s poor financial habits.
These habits could result from survival and not something done intentional. Being in a family where finances are tight or money is mismanaged can come with its own set of issues. Constantly having to deal with not having enough money to cover the household bills might shift the parent’s focus to survival versus whether or not there obtained is a 800 credit score. Growing up seeing your family go through trying times could cause early financial insecurity. There might be times when the lights or water were disconnected and the aftermath from this showed up later in life.
How Financial Infidelity Affects Your Marriage
Financial infidelity can cause problems in the relationship that lead to lack of trust once the partner finds out. If your spouse has been dishonest about money and you are trying to figure out the future of the relationship, you might be considering marriage counseling. As you try to process everything that is happening, your spouse is also trying to process everything.
Going through this with your significant other can be hurtful. As they receive calls from collectors or you find them hiding money, more problems can arise in the relationship. You might start to notice that your partner does not want to do things that you used to enjoy. This could be taking trips or your weekly date nights have been lowered to once a month. As the signs continue to show, and your spouse has failed to be honest about their negative spending habits, you might start to feel hopeless about the relationship. Deep betrayal can hurt, especially when it is from someone who is supposed to be your partner for life.
If it has become harder to keep ignoring the secret shopping, gambling, or credit cards, marriage counseling could be helpful for you and your spouse.
Here are 3 tips if you are looking for ways to improve communication surrounding your finances.
Create a joint budget to cover all household expenses (creating a budget to discuss how much your bills are and how you will cover the bills can ensure the bills are paid on time and establish who will be responsible for paying them.
Discuss your separate accounts (having an open and honest conversation about accounts that are not joint can keep finances transparent)
Plan a money date night once a month to discuss money concerns or to celebrate financial milestones. You can spice it up a bit and make it fun by setting up the atmosphere at home (a charcuterie board, wine maybe?!) or if you want to get out, head to your local bookstore or coffee shop.
Experiencing financial infidelity can be trying, especially when your relationship is affected, but there are steps you and your spouse can take that can lead you to financial honesty. If you are still experiencing difficulties around your finances, online couples therapy can help.
How to Begin Online Therapy in Texas
If you reside in the state of Texas, and you are interested in marriage counseling online, you can reach out to me for a free 20 minute consultation.
